Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
