Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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