no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
