well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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