You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
