I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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