so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
