finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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