Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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