At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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