I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
