before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
