Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
