These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
