Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
