just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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