So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
