singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You ever have a fart follow you around?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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