used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
