I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
