so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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