I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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