When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
