Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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