I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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