I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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