:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
