First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
