i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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