Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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