Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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