You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
