a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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