you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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