I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
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