Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
