I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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