Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
