What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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