I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
