She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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