peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
