That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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