oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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