The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
