Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
