then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize