he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
