I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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