do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
