i already hear my dad disowning me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
