In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
