Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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