we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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