I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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