the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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