U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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