so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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