the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I looked at my own cervix.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
