Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
