You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
