lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize