I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
