pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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