This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
