I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
