forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
