I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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