Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
