tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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