I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So squirting runs in the family.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize