like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
