I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
