Your dad touched me again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize