Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
