I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
