Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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