he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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