Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
