I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
