did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize